What every couple should know

What is Relationship Connection?

Relationship connection is founded on mutual respect and affection, and that maintaining a deep emotional connection requires couples to turn towards each other rather than turning away. The importance of responding positively to each other's bids for attention, conversation, and connection is a key to relationship happiness. The quality of these interactions is critical in building the foundation of a relationship where trust and commitment are structurally integral. The Relationship Killers — criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling — are negative communication patterns that erode connection. Instead couples should focus on expressing appreciation, fostering a culture of admiration and empathy, taking responsibility for one's actions within the relationship, and utilizing connection windows.

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Relationship Connection Types

While it's important for all couples to have their own independence while maintaining connection, many relationships struggle with this pursuer-distancer dynamic and feel constantly disappointed with the level of connection in their relationship. Partners in intimate relationships usually end up blaming each other when they feel their needs aren't being met. This can lead to a pursuer-distancer tug of war, which makes the situation even more difficult. Couples often find themselves having the same arguments over and over again. As time passes, they stop focusing on the actual problem and a cycle of bitterness, frustration, and anger takes over and things don't get better.

Couples Need Hope

Connection in mature relationships becomes more profound and rich. Partners often develop an even greater emotional intimacy over time. They may shift from the passionate, intense feelings of early-stage love to a more compassionate, deep-rooted love. Mature couples have often worked through many challenges and have learned to effectively communicate and negotiate differences. They exhibit a higher level of mutual respect and understanding.  Relationship Champion’s typically engage in supportive and positive interactions more frequently than negative ones. Emphasis is placed on shared values, goals, and mutual support rather than just personal gratifications or romantic idealizations.This takes work. Most people did not learn how to create mature relationships. If you want to take the first step of becoming a relationship champion, read the book ‘Hope: the Key to Relationship Happiness’ (It’s free and awesome). You can read it in 30 minutes - the same amount of time you doom scroll before bed.

Hope: The Key to Relationship Happiness

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Pamela and Adam: A Pursuer/Avoider Story

Pamela and Adam: A Pursuer/Avoider Story

At its heart, the pursuer-avoider dynamic is a dance of desire and dread. Both partners yearn for that elusive thing called 'a good relationship', filled with love, respect, and mutual support. Yet...

Sex and Intimacy

Sex and Intimacy

When sex and intimacy are working well they can be a real source of connection and joy in a relationship.  Yet like many precious things they can be damaged by misuse, neglect and loss.  This is an...

Breaking the Pursuer / Avoider Dynamic

Breaking the Pursuer / Avoider Dynamic

Have you wondered why couples get disconnected so easily? Here is a 5 minute video explaining why.   Relate collaborated with PESI - what may be the world's largest continuing education provider f...


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