Introduction: Why Even the Strongest Relationships Need Ongoing Care
“Is this it? Have we lost the spark?”
It’s the sort of question that keeps couples awake at night, especially when juggling busy careers, raising kids, and managing everyday life. We all sign up for a story that says, “We fell in love, and it was amazing… then we had struggles, but we got through them together and lived happily ever after.”
Yet, nobody wants the story that goes: “We tried for a while, had some kids, got overwhelmed, and one day realised we had nothing left to give each other.” In fact, I’ve sat with more than a thousand couples, and the number one regret they share is not taking proactive steps to nurture the romance they once had. -Steven Dromgool
Here’s the real kicker: Even in the best relationships, romance doesn’t sustain itself. Most of us need deliberate strategies and “relationship skills” that help us reconnect amidst the hustle and hurry. If we don’t keep building on the emotional bond, the day-to-day weight of life can crush our sense of spirit and hope.
That’s precisely why weekly rituals matter—because small, consistent actions can rejuvenate that missing spark and bring back a sense of closeness and excitement.
Why Weekly Rituals? Aiming for Realistic, Ongoing Connection
If you set the bar at a big holiday or an annual anniversary trip, you might find yourself living on crumbs of connection in between. A “weekly ritual,” however, is a smaller practice that you can integrate into your normal routine—ensuring you remain consistently plugged into each other’s worlds.
Key Takeaway: By weaving small acts of care into your weekly schedule, you create pockets of intimacy that say, “No matter how busy we get, I still choose you.”
Want detailed strategies to use brain science to build connection? Try connection windows.
1. The Sunday Planning & Dreaming Session
Why It Matters
Many couples argue about logistics—who’s picking up the kids, who’s paying which bill, who forgot to do the grocery shopping. These surface-level disputes can obscure deeper emotional needs. A Sunday planning session, done together, builds a sense of teamwork and heads off potential conflicts for the week ahead.
But don’t just talk about schedules—spend a moment dreaming too. Ask questions like:
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“What’s one fun thing you want to do this week?”
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“What’s one future plan that excites you?”
The Ritual in Action
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Find a cosy spot—maybe the living room couch with a cup of tea or coffee.
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Review the coming week—appointments, chores, kids’ activities.
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Agree on who handles which tasks—keep it practical yet flexible.
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Dream a little—could be a holiday in a year’s time, or a date night idea.
Why This Creates Romance
When you feel like teammates rather than adversaries, you lower the tension and free up emotional space for warmth, humour, and yes, romance. Regularly dreaming together also keeps a sense of shared purpose alive—one of the strongest indicators of relationship satisfaction.
2. The Midweek Check-In: An Emotional Tune-Up
Why It Matters
In the swirl of daily obligations, couples can go days without a true emotional exchange. You might be physically present but mentally miles apart—especially if you’re dealing with stress at work or have ongoing tensions that never get resolved.
A midweek check-in is like a quick relationship “tune-up.” It’s a chance to:
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Ask each other, “How are you, really?”
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Address small annoyances before they fester.
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Offer words of empathy or reassurance.
The Ritual in Action
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Pick a consistent time—Wednesday evening works for many.
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Sit together, devices off, even if just for 10-15 minutes.
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Ask open-ended questions: “What’s been on your mind lately?” or “Is there anything that’s been bothering you?”
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Listen without rushing in to fix—often, empathy alone is the best remedy.
Why This Creates Romance
When your partner feels heard and understood midweek—when neither of you is “collecting resentment points”—the emotional climate stays safer and more open. This consistent emotional availability fosters closeness that can lead to more spontaneous affection and intimacy.
3. Play Date: Injecting Fun Back into “We”
Why It Matters
Remember the early days, when you did silly or adventurous things together—like dancing in the kitchen at midnight or spontaneously driving to the beach? Over time, many couples lose that sense of play, focusing instead on what’s practical.
But “playing” isn’t just for kids. Shared laughter is often the biggest predictor of feeling like you’re in a warm, bonding relationship.
The Ritual in Action
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Choose one playful activity each week—could be a board game, a round of mini-golf, or cooking something new.
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Be intentional about leaving behind the “to-do” lists—this is your time to be silly and free.
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Alternate who plans the activity to keep it fresh.
Why This Creates Romance
Playfulness acts like an emotional rejuvenator. It helps you see each other in a lighthearted, affectionate way—reminding you of who you were when you first fell in love. No kids, no bills, no chores—just you two, connecting through laughter.
4. Spiritual or Reflective Practice: The Deeper Anchor
Why It Matters
Whether you’re religious, spiritual, or simply reflective, engaging in a deeper practice together once a week can root your relationship in something bigger than day-to-day stress. This can be a time of mindfulness, prayer, meditation, or journaling.
The Ritual in Action
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Create a serene space—light a candle, turn off phones.
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Practice together—could be 10 minutes of guided meditation, reading a meaningful quote, or silently reflecting on your blessings.
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Share insights—how do you feel about the upcoming week? Any gratitude you’d like to express for one another?
Why This Creates Romance
When couples share deeper reflections or spiritual practices, they move beyond the surface. This sense of shared meaning fosters emotional and psychological intimacy, which so often paves the way for romantic closeness.
5. The “I Appreciate You Because…” Routine
Why It Matters
One of the quickest ways to crush romance is to take each other for granted. Appreciation, on the other hand, cultivates positivity and gratitude—two essential ingredients in a thriving relationship.
The Ritual in Action
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Choose a day—Fridays are great—and verbally share at least one reason you appreciate your partner.
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Be specific—“I appreciate how you made me laugh on Tuesday when I was feeling stressed” has more impact than “You’re great.”
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Invite reciprocity—ask, “What’s something you appreciated about me this week?”
Why This Creates Romance
Feeling valued is a powerful aphrodisiac. It builds confidence in the relationship and encourages both of you to be more present, loving, and supportive. Plus, it reduces the likelihood of slipping into negative cycles where you only notice what’s wrong instead of what’s right.
6. Weekly Tech-Free Bedtime: Reclaiming Physical Intimacy
Why It Matters
Busy couples often find themselves scrolling on phones or answering emails late into the night—robbing them of that golden bedtime window for physical and emotional closeness.
Physical intimacy is so much more than just sex; it’s about cuddling, whispering sweet nothings, or simply lying in each other’s arms without the glow of a screen.
The Ritual in Action
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Pick one night a week—or more—where all devices are off 30 minutes before bed.
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Create an inviting atmosphere—dim lights, comfortable bedding, maybe some background music.
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Focus on closeness—this could mean a massage, holding hands in the dark, or a more intimate exploration of each other.
Why This Creates Romance
When you make physical affection a regular, enjoyable part of your routine, you remind each other “We are lovers, not just roommates.” This consistent contact rewires your brains to seek each other for comfort and excitement—nourishing both the emotional and physical bond.
7. Learning & Growing Together: A “Relationship Skill” Hour
Why It Matters
Look, most of us don’t come into relationships with a fully loaded toolbox of communication and conflict resolution skills. We often repeat patterns from our parents or default to survival mode in arguments. No wonder tension builds up.
Weekly skill-building—whether by reading a relationship book, watching an educational video, or joining an online course—can drastically elevate how you connect and problem-solve.
The Ritual in Action
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Choose a resource—a podcast, a short video lesson, or an article on a relationship skill (e.g., active listening, empathy, presence).
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Discuss it together—What did you learn? How can you apply it this week?
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Try it out—focus on practicing that one skill.
Why This Creates Romance
Couples who grow together stay together. By actively learning new ways to communicate or handle stress, you signal your partner: “This relationship matters enough that I’m willing to put in the effort.”
The Encouraging Truth: You Can Reignite the Spark
Here’s the big picture: romantic love thrives on small, consistent actions that confirm your bond is alive and cared for. It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of thinking that if you’re not blissful 24/7, something’s irreparably wrong. But being “perfectly happy” all the time is an illusion that sets couples up for failure.
Struggles are part of the journey—childhood baggage, daily stressors, differences in personality. Yet, most couples who show up for therapy or invest in relationship courses find that real change happens when both partners learn new skills. This is where hope and encouragement come in: if you’re willing to try, to keep the conversation going, you can rewrite your story into one of deep trust, excitement, and love.
Ready to Strengthen Your Bond? Next Steps & Encouragement
1. Relate’s School of Love
If you’re ready to go deeper and want a structured way to learn and implement these rituals, check out Relate’s School of Love. Designed with busy couples in mind, these courses break down key relationship skills into digestible lessons you can work through at your own pace.
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Practical, step-by-step modules
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Real-life examples and role-plays
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Self paced courses
2. Work with a Relationship Therapist
Sometimes, you need personalised guidance—someone who can see your blind spots and help you navigate conflict more effectively. Relate’s Team Members are here to assist you in understanding your unique patterns and triggers, offering the support you need to create lasting changes in your marriage or partnership.
Final Thoughts: Don’t Wait for Crisis—Build the Relationship Skills Now
You don’t have to wait for resentment to boil over or for one partner to threaten to walk away. In fact, proactive couples are the ones who find the greatest success. These 7 weekly rituals—planning sessions, midweek emotional check-ins, playful dates, reflective practices, active appreciation, tech-free bedtimes, and continuous learning—are designed to keep the romance alive in real, everyday life.
Here’s a secret: even small bits of consistent effort can spark major shifts. Think of these rituals like deposits into your “relationship bank account,” ensuring that when tensions do arise, you’ve got enough goodwill and emotional security to weather the storm.
So, let this be your call to action: start with one ritual that resonates with you. Try it for a couple of weeks. See how your partner responds. Keep going, add more, and remember that most long-term love isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about daily acts of presence and care.
