Can a Breakup Cause Depression?

After a breakup, people experience a number of unwanted experiences. Breaking up with someone you love or loved is emotionally similar to having your arm ripped off. It can feel like the end of the world – alternatively you may feel numb or dazed. Commonly your whole body tends to go on high alert flooding your system with stress hormones. This is normal to a degree.

Common symptoms include: Sleeplessness, Hypervigilance – loud noises scare you, Can’t eat, Can’t stop eating (normally junk food), Risk taking, Self Medicating drugs, alcohol, sex, Numb – no feelings, Hugely emotional/thoughts of self hatred/blame, Can’t concentrate, Weight loss, Tired all the time, and Feeling depressed/angry/suicidal.

Relationship Breakup Counselling

Breaking up can be incredibly painful experience.  Particularly if it was unexpected or you had been working really hard to help the relationship survive.  It can be a very useful act of self care to book a time with a counselor to talk through recovery process.  There are some very practical things that can be done that will help you recover an awful lot faster.  Additionally this is a time when you can uncover important insights that can help you in future relationships.

Pro Tip - Breakups damage attachment and sense of identity.

This uncovers personal dynamics and creates a time where therapy can be extra beneficial. This allows you to potentially identify red-flags in future partners or to work through your deeper issues.

Relate has a team of relationship therapists who can help. Alternatively, in Relate's School of Love, we have a course, Finding Authenticity which can help you learn from your breakup.

Surviving a Breakup: Grieving and Acceptance

Surviving a Breakup: Grieving and Acceptance

  Breakups can be challenging and emotionally draining for many individuals. For some, they may struggle for several difficult weeks, while others might still find themselves grieving even after t...

Depression, PTSD and Anxiety from a Break up?

Not directly. Breakups cause grieving. Grieving and other factors may result in mental health concerns.

After a break up, people can learn various things such as self-reflection, personal growth, resilience, independence, and the importance of communication and boundaries in relationships. They may also learn to prioritize their own needs, invest in self-care, and develop a clearer understanding of what they want in a future relationship. Additionally, break ups can teach individuals about the dynamics of relationships, effective conflict resolution, and the value of learning from past experiences.

With reflection most people can see patterns in their relationship. If you use your break-up as a learning opportunity, you can limit future depression and anxiety. The truth is that less than 20% of people are taught how to have a great relationships during their childhood. The rest of us learn by trial and error, and some by counselling and good information.

If you want to learn how to have a great relationship - or - you want to explore yourself the resources you need for both tasks is in the School of Love. The 5 Secrets to Relationship Champions is the ultimate collection of concise relationship hacks. The Search for Ourself is a Q&A self-reflection guide.

School of Love

Can a Relationship be the same after Breakup?

While it's possible for couples to reunite after a breakup, the relationship is unlikely to be exactly the same as it was before. The experience of breaking up can bring underlying issues to the surface and change the dynamics between the two people involved. Some couples are able to work through their problems and come out stronger on the other side, while others may find that the relationship is less satisfying the second time around .

It's worth noting that getting back together after a breakup is a fairly common phenomenon. that over one third of cohabiting couples and one fifth of married couples have experienced a breakup and reconciliation.

Whether a relationship can thrive after a breakup depends on a number of factors, including the reasons for the initial breakup, how the split was handled, and the level of commitment both partners bring to addressing past issues and improving communication. If both individuals have taken the time to reflect on their actions, work on personal growth, and are willing to approach the relationship with a renewed commitment to understanding and supporting each other, it's possible for the relationship to not only survive but flourish in its new form .

However, if the same patterns and issues that led to the breakup in the first place resurface without being adequately addressed, it may be a sign that the relationship is not sustainable in the long term. It's also important to recognize that sometimes, taking a break can ultimately lead to a healthier recognition that the relationship is not the best fit for one or both partners. Ultimately, every situation is unique, and the potential for a healthy, fulfilling relationship after a breakup depends on the specifics of the circumstances and the level of commitment and communication brought by the individuals involved.

Pro Tip: If you want the future relationship to be healthy after a breakup, work with a Relationship Specialist.

The suffering, self-doubts and lost time simply isn't worth it. At Relate, we believe that couples can create a better future. You may want to return to the 'innocence' from before the breakup. The reality is that is actually naivety, the breakup is a sign that there was a real concern. Either see a relationship therapist use use a resource like the School of Love to get the information you need.

Relationship Breakup Stages of Grief

A breakup can indeed be a profound loss, akin to other types of loss we experience in life. When a relationship ends, we're not just grieving the loss of the other person, but also the future we had envisioned together, the companionship, the sense of belonging, and often a part of ourselves.

Here are a few ways a breakup mirrors the grief process:

Shock and Denial

Just as when someone we love passes away, a breakup can leave us feeling stunned and struggling to accept the new reality. We might find ourselves reaching for our phone to text our ex, or wondering when they'll come back to their senses and things will go back to normal.

Intense Emotional Pain

The sorrow, longing, and sense of emptiness that follow a breakup can be overwhelming. It's common to feel like a part of us is missing, similar to the grief of losing a loved one.

Yearning and Searching

We might find ourselves yearning for our ex, replaying memories, and wishing we could turn back time. This is similar to the way people often find themselves searching for a deceased loved one in the early stages of their grief.

Guilt, Regret, and "If Onlys"

Breakups can stir up a lot of self-doubt and regret. We might replay the relationship in our minds, wondering what we could have done differently to prevent the breakup. This rumination is similar to the guilt and "if onlys" that often accompany other types of loss.

Numbness and Disconnection

The pain of a breakup can leave us feeling numb, disconnected from others, and struggling to find meaning or pleasure in activities we once enjoyed. This is reminiscent of the emotional numbness that can follow other significant losses.

Gradual Healing

Over time, the raw pain of the breakup begins to lessen, we start to heal, and we're able to re-engage with life in a meaningful way. This is similar to the process of integrating loss and finding a way to move forward after the death of a loved one.

It's important to give yourself permission to grieve a breakup, just as you would any other significant loss. Allow yourself to feel the pain, seek support from others, and practice self-compassion as you navigate the healing process.

Pro Tip: Grieving Times Vary based on Circumstances

Some breakups are simple: no kids, no shared property, amicability etc. Others are complicated: legal proceedings, years of co-parenting, loss of social supports. To complicate matters further, many times we have a desire to hold onto parts of the relationship. The problem is that this does not allow for future relationships.

Emotional Availability is Needed for Healthy New Relationships.

Creating emotional availability is a complex task and there are steps that you can take to become available.