The 4 Loves: The Sexual Blueprint from Insecure Attachment to Mature Love

4 hour training

A Journey from Insecure Attachment to Mature Love

Love as commitment, intimacy and passion is a journey that begins in infancy and unfolds throughout our lives. Each stage of love development lays the foundation for the next, influencing our capacity for mature, fulfilling relationships. Understanding these stages is key to recognizing patterns in our own love lives and cultivating the deep connections clients crave 

Objectives:

1. Identify how the four loves create a sexual and relational profile for clients
2. Explore common problems and subsequent reenactment cycles many people face
3. Identify how the sexual and developmental blueprint allows clients to alter relationship patterns
4. Explore the use of the sexual and developmental blueprint for reducing recidivism after an affair
5. Identify how the Relational Brain Model helps couples move from insecure attachment to mature love

Stage 1: First Love (0-9 months) - The Imprint of Unconditional Acceptance

Our first experience of love occurs in the first six to nine months of life. As helpless infants, we are completely dependent on our caregivers and highly receptive to imprinting. The love formed during this stage is a deep sense of being held and unconditionally accepted. This imprint is not gender-specific; it's about absorbing the mix of masculine and feminine touch and nurture from both parents. It's the feeling of dad's stubble and scent, mum's softness and smell, and the relief of intimate care. This first love sets the stage for a lifelong need for deep acceptance.

Stage 2: Second Love (4-6 years) - Emerging Identity and Sexual Awareness

Between ages four and six, our focus shifts to the opposite-gender parent. This stage is about discovering how we relate to the other and emerging as a sexual being. Little girls may express a desire to marry dad, while little boys may feel in competition with dad for mum's attention. This stage primes us to seek the "other" outside the family and establishes our understanding of ourselves as distinct yet connected to our caregivers.

Stage 3: Adolescent Love - Self-Discovery and Secure Base

In adolescence, our orientation shifts from family to peers as we become aware of ourselves as sexual beings. This can be a challenging time of emotional upheaval and physical change. The task is to maintain a secure base of love from both parents, especially the opposite-gender parent, while exploring our emerging identities. This stage sets the stage for seeking love and validation outside the family.

Stage 4: Mature Love - Integrated Intimacy

The most challenging stage is mature love, where we integrate all previous experiences into the ability to love a partner while maintaining a strong sense of self. It's about reaching out to connect with another while avoiding loss of self. This requires the unconditional acceptance of first love, the secure base of third love, and the emerging identity of second love.

From Attachment to Mature Love: Breaking Patterns of Incomplete Love

We often get stuck in these early stages, leading to cycles of reenactment and unfulfilling relationships. If we didn't receive the love and approval we needed, a part of us will unconsciously seek it in our adult relationships. The Relational Brain Model offers a powerful tool to work through these incomplete love patterns. By mapping our sexual and developmental blueprint, we can identify areas where we may be stuck and work towards integration and mature love. By understanding  these stages, we can break free from patterns of incomplete love and cultivate the deep, fulfilling connections we all desire. 

January 29, 2025: 10 AM - 2:30 NZST

Register to attend the live session or to get a video replay.